Title: Being To Be

Gender: Male

Age: 32

Sun Sign: Pisces

Chinese Sign: Fire Dragon

Location: Dallas, TX

Much of my twenties was spent in a mental health crisis, which culminated in me being thrown in jail for a few months and, then, isolating in my bedroom for the next two years.  Thank goodness for the support of my family, or I couldn't have made it through those experiences (one only recovers from such setbacks to the degree that one has, or is able to find support in his/her life).  During that period of isolation, I wrote a book called The Sublime Detour, which walks the reader through my experiences with mental illness.  The book starts out with me living in Brooklyn in 1998, explains the void of depression I had felt over the previous three years, and in a logical way that the average reader can easily understand, details my journey through two psychotic episodes.  In short, The Sublime Detour tells the story my hallucinations told me.  I don't recommend the book to people who are looking for support in their own recoveries from mental illness, however, if you'd like to learn more about what mental illness is like, The Sublime Detour is a good case study and a very accurate and transparent depiction of what went on inside my head during the acute stages of my illness.

Shortly after I published my book, I was visiting my sister and her husband in CT, and they took me to a Zen Monestary thinking that I'd probably like it.  I walked out of there armed with literature that, in hindsight, was the beginning of a positive transformation that continues to this day.  I am working again.  I, currently, work 20 hours a week as a Certified Pharmacy Technician.  The funny thing is that, in many respects, I am BETTER than the people I meet in the general public (at least, I know I'm delusional).  But, I am better BECAUSE of the dark days I experienced with my illness.   ALL experience, ESPECIALLY the dark stuff, serves to awaken one to his/her true nature, even though it may not seem like it at the time.  Now, I'm just soaking in the light, putting one foot in front of the other, and seeing what happens.  I am simply 'Being To Be' and learning to accept whatever comes of it.  Two perspectives that I think are gifts from my illness are acceptance and gratitude.  My illness basically steamrolled me, so I learned acceptance real quick.  I had to accept that I would never accomplish many of my dreams, or be as high-functioning as many of those around me.  But, once you are able see who you are with nothing, and life keeps going, you become so profoundly grateful for the things you do have.

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